Being yelled at by a stranger for doing nothing wrong brings confusion, irritation, and anger. And that’s what I felt when a stranger randomly called me, yelled at me, and hung up on me. But here’s a Comfort Challenge that you can try if this ever happens to you.
Why Do This?
Learn to be more comfortable with discomfort.
Whether it is negotiating, asking for what you want, saying no, or speaking truth, the degree to which you’re comfortable with discomfort can determine how successful you are.
Very often, your success in life can be measured in the number of uncomfortable conversations you’re willing to have and uncomfortable actions you’re willing to take.
Willing to be uncomfortable = more success
Storytime
It’s finally a beautiful sunny day in the winter and I’m on a walk with my brother. We’re sipping BBT and cracking jokes when I receive a phone call from an unknown number. I pick up and hear a grumpy voice:
“I’m Felicia from True North Safety returning your call.”
“Oh, I didn’t call you though.” I don’t know her or this company.
“Yes, you did. I am calling the number that called me!” No joke, she’s yelling.
“Well, what time did I call you?”
“2:07pm” It’s 2:16pm now.
“I really don’t think so, I was on my phone then and hanging out with my brother.”
“It’s impossible I got your number out of thin air. So evidently, YOU DID!!! *hangs up*” She’s screaming at the end and hangs up the phone.
I’m not exaggerating what happened because my brother heard it via speaker and I took notes afterwards. But still, I felt confusion, irritation, and anger. Who is this lady? What is this company? Why does she think I called her? Why is she yelling at me? Who does she think she is?
I Called Her Back
I was going to walk it off and leave it be. It’s better to not have confrontation right? But then I thought this could be an exercise of discomfort for myself. I should call her back and tell her that it’s okay to have bad days, but her actions were inappropriate and give bad reputation to her company.
My hands are sweating and my heart rate has increased now. I really don’t want to call this lady and get yelled at again, I really don’t want to deal with this matter anymore, I really don’t like any of this. And this feeling is exactly the discomfort I’m trying to overcome.
So I called her back.
Straight to voicemail because she’s blocked my number.
I find her company online and call their number. They have 3 lines, and she’s in charge of 2 of them. She hangs up my phone for both.
For the last one it’s her colleague’s voicemail, I didn’t want to tell her colleague but it’s the only way to get the message to her. So I left a message about the incident and my spiel about it. Making sure I kept my voice and tone neutral but direct, and to only target Felicia’s actions and not Felicia herself.
Happy Ending
Her colleague calls me back and apologizes for the whole thing. She told me that Felicia has had many prior incidents where she’s been rude or verbally abusing other clients. They’ve been letting her loose but now they’ll bring it up to the CEO.
I’m glad I spoke up because if someone does mean things to you, they definitely do it to other people too. And speaking up could potentially prevent that person from being mean to others.
I also hope that Felicia benefits from this the most because there’s a chance for her to learn and improve her behaviour. There are probably reasons why she acts this way, but if she learns to put out more positivity in the world, she’ll see that positivity will come to her too.
TODO
- Next time someone is rude, mean, inappropriate, or verbally abusing you
- Do not react immediately
- Take a breather
- Evaluate the situation from the 3rd person POV or talk to someone about it
- Figure out which parts of their actions you did not appreciate
- Take the courage to talk to them again to discuss the incident
- Focus on their actions and behaviours
- Do not attack them as people
- Keep your voice and tone neutral and direct
- “It’s okay if you’re having a bad day”
- Gives them space to feel more understood
- Adding “everyone does” makes them feel relatable too
- Finish on a positive note
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